rather than always invoking rules. Here is an example of what a heart-focused conversation might look like: “I noticed that you got angry when Bob refused to share his food with Saji. What about that bothered you?” “It just isn’t right to be selfish like that!” “So selfishness really annoys you, doesn’t it?” “Of course.” “Do you know why selfishness annoys you so much? I think it is because your heart likes it when people take care of each other. Therefore, it hurts when they don’t.” Understanding what makes someone’s heart hurt or what makes them upset can provide an insight into what they value most. Understanding such val- ues helps them clarify their sense of identity. Having people help them see their heart as something good may be a new experience for many of them. It is one thing to tell someone their heart is good. It is another to show them exactly how it is good. Storytelling A nother way of helping peo- ple discover their heart- identity—and thus their purpose—is to teach them how to tell three-minute stories of times they faced mild emotional upset in a good way. The key here is to tell mild stories, not stories about the worst things that ever happened to them. It is a good idea to collect your own stories about times that you faced emotions like fear, shame, anger, or despair and were able to act like yourself or remain relational. Here are a couple of examples. Mild fear: I visited Yosemite National Park and walked over to a stone wall with a lookout facing the valley. When I got to the wall and looked down, I got a sudden case of vertigo. I didn’t realize there was a 3,000-foot drop just on the other side of the wall. Looking down startled me and gave me an immediate sense of panic. I felt like I was about to start falling. My breathing got fast and shallow, and my muscles tensed all through my body. I had to step away from the wall for a few minutes to restore my breathing and calm myself. But then I acted like myself by walking back over to the lookout and enjoying the view now that I was better prepared for what I was going to see. Notice that this story has some important elements. (1) It is short. (2) It is personal and about my emo- tions. (3) It describes how I felt and how my body felt. (4) It states how I acted like myself in spite of the emotion. These are the elements you want your guests to include as well. By having everyone write out and present a short story about facing mild emotions, you encourage bonding and reinforce what it means to live from your heart even when facing difficult emotions. Mild disgust: I went to a buffet near Chicago and noticed that it had chocolate mousse as an option. I made a mental note of this and made sure to get some for dessert. I sat down at the table with my friends and prepared to enjoy some- thing smooth, sweet, and delicious. But when I put it in my mouth, I immediately realized this was not chocolate mousse. It was liver pâté. I gagged and spit out the disgusting food as quickly as I could. My mouth turned down at the corners, every- thing in me felt like leaving the table. However, it was like me to think about the other people at the table. I noticed they were laughing. Soon, I started laughing, too, as I realized it really was pretty funny. It is impossible to thrive without a sense of purpose. Most people who hit rock bottom in life have a hard time seeing much good about them- selves. Creating an environment in which people are actively seeking to see and know what is good about their heart helps them grow a sense of belonging and helps them under- stand who God made them to be. Adding right-brain elements like heart-sight and storytelling to your toolkit can add depth to the left- brained Bible studies and identity in Christ lists you teach. Both the left and the right brain are important in helping people experience transfor- mation. As Christians we are in a unique position to offer both. Ĩ 36 WWW.AGRM.ORG MAY/JUNE 2018 Marcus is president of Deeper Walk International. He has earned three degrees from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and has written numerous books. He also speaks to ministry and corporate groups around the world. Contact him at marcus@deeperwalkinternational.org.